It's pretty treacherous being a Liverpool player these days. In case you haven't been receiving updates from the police scanner over the last couple of years, almost half of the entire squad now have been the victims of break-ins at their palatial residences. The latest to be violated is everyone's favourite waste of space Jermaine Pennant, as the mansion he shares with the delectable Amii Grove was targeted two nights ago by thieves in the night.

Click to continue reading...

Morning all, I'm finally back. I'd like to say I have a great excuse for not writing for almost a week, but my excuses aren't that good. Friday I just didn't get a chance to do my match preview, Saturday I woke up to watch the match and then coach my Under 8's to an 11-2 win, and yesterday I went to the Jaguar game. Click to continue reading...

IF the Premier League was ordered according to artistic merit, Liverpool's current lack of invention and creativity would see them languishing at the wrong end of the table instead of the top. Impotent in attack and all but sterile on the flanks, they are presently about as expressive as a teenager when asked about their day at school.

Click to continue reading...

Park Ji-Sung's song has been the most popular in Old Trafford for some time, as any funny chant taking the piss out of the scousers will be. Now, I won't be able to compete with the popular songs already going for him, but can we improve on his already successful chant? To This is Your Song And you [. Click to continue reading...

First, let's remind ourselves of how last season finished.

And here's how the table will look in May 2009 (yeah, right!):

1. Chelsea
It's boring to say, but this is a team that suffered the chaos of Jose Mourinho's sacking, the listlessness of Avram Grant's leadership, and was hit by multiple injuries and absences last year—and they still took the title to the last day and only lost the Champions League final on penalties. Click to continue reading...

Good Bob Paisley was laid to rest in his parish churchyard yesterday as Liverpool supporters respected his family's request for privacy, and there were fewer than 100 gathered outside when the simple coffin, adorned with red and white roses, was carried into St Peter's, Woolton. There will be a more acclaiming memorial service in the city in the spring. Click to continue reading...

Liverpool goalkeeper Jose ‘Pepe' Reina has dismissed the possibility of returning to his native country, insisting he is completely satisfied on Merseyside.

Reina arrived at Anfield in 2005 and has since established himself among Europe's elite ‘keepers, snaring three consecutive Golden Glove awards for most clean sheets in a Premier League season. Click to continue reading...

If there's one position that Liverpool have got sussed in order to become Premier League champions, it is their centre forward. Fernando Torres, the Reds' number nine, was awesome for the scousers in his debut season at the club and a few more players of his calibre wouldn't go amiss if Pool are to somehow [. Click to continue reading...

Thanks to The Spoiler for alerting us to this quite unbelievable piece of idiocy from mega-flop Liverpool striker Andriy Voronin. Speaking to a Russian newspaper this week, he aimed his vitriolic sights at pretty much every aspect of British culture, moaning about how shit his life currently is compared to his glory days last year in Germany with Bayern Leverkeusen. Click to continue reading...

The Sun has printed a fantastic Lock, Stock-esque story involving Steven Gerrard, career ending threats from a mysterious man known awesomely only as "The Psycho," and a Liverpuddlian gangster ‘fixer' who supposedly saved the Scouse star. John Kinsella, 43, "sorted out" Gerrard's little problem having been contacted by the player's father Paul after The Psycho threatened to shoot Steven in the legs. Click to continue reading...

In shock news this week, it turns out that Liverpool is not the only place in the world where football supporters are pikey enough to actually steal from their heroes. This weekend Luca Toni's luxurious Italian villa was broken into and burgled, with thieves taking all sorts of personal items such as old kits from the striker's illustrious career to date. Click to continue reading...