Oddballs

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November 21, 2008

Andrei Arshavin and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamkit

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Russian star's recurring dream of not playing for Zenit A trawl through the seemingly endless stream of quotes from Team Andrei Arshavin since the summer reveals that the Russia international is a bit of a dreamer. Unfortunately for Andrei, he keeps dreaming that he wants to play for different clubs and can never quite decide which [. Click to continue reading...

AFC Wimbledon smash blocks of wood to win matches

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Sports psychology turns non-leaguers into pumped up lumberjacks If you thought Wimbledon's Crazy Gang years were in the past, think again. Non-league AFC Wimbledon have brought in a sports psychologist in a bid to improve their performances on the pitch. The players' new guru has got them smashing through blocks of wood to help them on [. Click to continue reading...

November 20, 2008

Eurosport celebrates England’s defeat to Argentina last night

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Hang on a minute... In the coverage that we saw last night, England beat Germany in Berlin. But in the parallel universe in which Eurosport exists the Three Lions were once again slain by Diego Maradona. A Eurosport hack who got a bit caught up in the Terry Butcher furore decided to write that Argentina had [. Click to continue reading...

November 19, 2008

Germany’s Patrick Helmes dedicates goal to his dead dog

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This one's for you, pooch Germany striker Patrick Helmes had revealed pre-match that he was hoping for a goal against England to dedicate to his dead dog - and he duly delivered. When Helmes took advantage of the Scott Carson/John Terry fiasco to find the net, his first reaction was to point to doggy heaven. Click to continue reading...

Random US college footballer runs into post

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Clumsy defender gets caught ball-watching Basic defensive coaching tells you to keep your eyes on the ball, but common sense dictates that you should probably have at least half-an-eye maintaining awareness that you are not about to run into any 8ft tall poles. It is a lesson Ignacio Falco of Lees-McRae College learnt the hard way! Click to continue reading...

November 18, 2008

Germany scupper England’s training plans

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Racial stereotyping for dummies England's inexperienced squad were hoping to get some much needed practice ahead of their friendly against Germany but those pesky Germans had other ideas. Miroslav Klose and company were up first and had put their beach towels on all the best spots on the training pitch! Click to continue reading...

The curious clauses of Diego Maradona’s contract

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A inside look at the document signed by the Hand of God... ...Clause 2. Paragraph 3. Section 2. Mr Maradona will be captioned at all times... Click to continue reading...

Djimi Traore - goalscoring legend

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Lanky defender is super striker It goes without saying that Djimi Traore is one of the game's greats. Liverpool fans probably place him above the likes of Ian Rush and Kenny Dalglish after his amazing return of 928 goals in 88 appearances. And who can forget that loan spell at Lens when he averaged almost ten [. Click to continue reading...

November 17, 2008

Tony Adams does his best to scare the Portsmouth board

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Congratulations, you've just appointed a nutter New Portsmouth manager Tony Adams has given a peculiar interview to the Daily Mail in which he describes himself as a loner and seems quite pleased to be called eccentric. The ex-Arsenal man claimed it was his first and last interview as Pompey boss. He said: "I don't actually like people. Click to continue reading...

November 14, 2008

David James drives to club in a Reliant Robin

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Pompey keeper punished for poor training Portsmouth goalkeeper David James is bringing a touch of retro chic to the club's training ground after being forced to drive a Reliant Robin. The England international was handed the keys to the old banger after being voted the club's worst trainer. Jamo might not be the car's owner for too [. Click to continue reading...

November 13, 2008

Emmanuel Eboue’s jam jar glasses

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Arsenal man should have gone to Specsavers Eboue: No, you don't understand. I want something thicker. They need to be really out there! Optician Perhaps I could interest you in a pair of specs from our paedo range? Arsenal utility man Emmanuel Eboue saw Tuesday night's Carling Cup victory over Wigan approximately three times as big as everyone [. Click to continue reading...

Fabio Capello bans England squad from ketchup and chips

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A sauce close to the England squad is now out-of-bounds When during the latest England scandal, The Sun inevitably digs out a quote from "a source close to the England squad" we often wondered whether this was the squad's favoured tomato sauce doing the dirty on them. But from now on we cannot blame the ketchup [. Click to continue reading...

Welcome to the crazy world of mudball

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It's like football but on mud In England we call the traditional game of football played on mud 'away at Wigan', but in Finland they call it mudball. It doesn't so much test your technique as your ability to stay afloat. The teams take it very seriously though (well, except for the ones in drag or [. Click to continue reading...

November 11, 2008

Google is sick of injury-prone Ruud Van Nistelrooy

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What, is he injured again? He sure is, and everybody's favourite search engine has had just about enough of it. The Real Madrid striker is set for more surgery and another long lay-off due to his notoriously dodgy knees. Spotted on The Beautiful Game Click to continue reading...

November 10, 2008

Jens Lehmann threatens to quit over dodgy German referees

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Stuttgart keeper is tired of being booked If Joe Kinnear thought his Mickey Mouse comment about Martin Atkinson was scathing criticism, he had better think again. Ex-Arsenal keeper Jens Lehmann has revealed he is tempted to quit football after picking up his third yellow card of the season for dissent. Click to continue reading...

November 8, 2008

Barack Obama’s presidential motorcade revealed

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Following the Hammers What else could West Ham's most famous long-distance admirer drive around in? Spotted on Dirty Tackle Click to continue reading...

Football video: Nancy’s Gennaro Bracigliano walks ball into net

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A goalkeeping howler of epic proportions "Hey, Gennaro. Welcome to goalkeeping school. Lesson one: under no circumstances do you walk across your goalline with the ball in your possession. It's sort of like doing the opposition's job for them. Got that?" Sadly he hadn't, and this was painfully exposed during Nancy's Uefa Cup tie with Lech Poznań [. Click to continue reading...

November 7, 2008

Fed up with football? Try the new sport of civilian killing

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BBC's unfortunate technical problems A technical problem with the BBC's homepage has reduced the mysterious deaths of civilians in the Democratic Republic of Congo to mere sport. In the screen dump above, you can clearly see that the Beeb's top sport story for the day is DR Congo 'civilian deaths' probed. Click to continue reading...

November 6, 2008

Darius Vassell - Samba Boy

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Manchester City player gets a Brazilian Manchester City striker Darius Vassell was kindly given a change of nationality by ITV commentator Peter Drury during the Uefa Cup tie with FC Twente. The overlooked England international now faces the dubious task of breaking into the Brazil national side. Drury said: "Darius Vassell has finished his first shift back [. Click to continue reading...

Football video: Brazilian defender sent-off for grabbing yellow card

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I see your yellow card, and I raise you red Botafogo's Andre Luis was red-carded in the Copa Sudamericana match with Estudiantes after snatching the yellow card from the referee's hand. He then flashes it around a bit before screwing it up and putting it back into the ref's hand. He promptly receives a red card [. Click to continue reading...

Dorinel Munteanu is forever blowing bubbles

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Steaua Bucharest coach wants to share his chewing gum with you We have all at some point found ourselves sick of the sight of Sir Alex Ferguson chomping away on his chewing gum like a man eager to dislocate his bottom jaw from the rest of his head, but at least he never does this. Steaua [...] Click to continue reading...

Standard Liege’s Dieumerci Mbokani gets his head stuck on a rollercoaster

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Congolese player falls foul of an un-fairground For some reason best known to themselves, Standard Liege's Dieumerci Mbokani and Steven Defour are being filmed on a fairground ride. The happy duo are sharing a joke, which causes Mbokani to lean over and cuddle up to his team-mate. Unfortunately for him, he does this at the precise [. Click to continue reading...

November 2, 2008

Harry, Jamie and Louise Redknapp have fun on the Nintendo Wii

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Spurs boss is closet gamer How do you rewind after a hard day at the office as saviour of Tottenham Hotspur? Call round to your son's house for a quick game on the Wii, of course. If you can get the daughter-in-law involved, even better. Spotted on 101GreatGoals Click to continue reading...

November 1, 2008

ESPN advertising system drops the ball

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An interesting new media juxtaposition If proof were needed that, for all the good computers do in our lives, you should always have a fully functioning human nearby to cast an eye over things... You can almost imagine ESPN Soccernet's keyword advertising system getting all overexcited. "Ooh, ooh, they typed Manchester Unted. Click to continue reading...

Russell Brand writes his regular Guardian column, avoids mentioning his little situation

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Phone prankster talks football Russell Brand, the comedian/deejay/film star/legendary swordsman/columnist who had radio work stripped from his jack of all trades portfolio this week, has provided his weekly football column for the Guardian. Brand, who was forced to quit BBC Radio 2 after more than 30,000 complaints about a series of lewd phone calls to Fawlty [. Click to continue reading...

October 31, 2008

Fox Sports Espanol commentator sings about Paul Scholes to the tune of Eye of the Tiger!

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Crazy Hispanic commentator likes a singsong It's an oldie, but a goody. I had not seen this before. This is the commentator on Fox Sports Espanol's coverage of Manchester United's 2-0 victory over Liverpool in 2006 who seems to enjoy singing songs about the goalscorers. Goal, goal de Scholes... Click to continue reading...

Danny Kelly gets overexcited at Tottenham’s equaliser

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TalkSport commentator screams of his love for football "Ohhhhhh, goal, Stan goal. I love football, Stan, I love it!" He sounds like he is broadcasting through Dom Joly's giant mobile phone. Personally, screaming out Stan Collymore's name in such an exuberant fashion would probably deprive me of sleep for a month or two. Click to continue reading...

Burnley fans can’t get enough of Robbie Blake’s pants

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Bad Beat Bob undies sell out Remember Robbie Blake's goal celebration when he pulled down his shorts to reveal a pair of pants with the slogan Bad Beat Bob? Well, Burnley made the smart move of getting 50 pairs into the club shop - and they have all sold out. The club has now got the underwear [... Click to continue reading...

BBC out Tottenham’s use of underage workforce

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Do Spurs have a 15-year-old Cameroon international in their first-team? According to the paragraph highlighted above, Spurs' Benoit Assou-Ekotto joined Lens as a 10-year-old. He spent three years at Lens. He then joined Tottenham in 2006. Everyone following so far? So when Assou-Ekotto made his debut for Tottenham in the 2006-07 season he was actually 13 [. Click to continue reading...

October 30, 2008

Danny Baker performs the Footballers’ Bohemian Rhapsody

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Pure genius! Wanted to post this for ages, but the internet police tend to keep snapping up the videos. Hopefully, this will stay around long enough for you to enjoy it. It is absolute class. I suggest you click Read more below and read the outstanding lyrics as you listen. If this doesn't crack you up, [. Click to continue reading...

Karlsruhe defender Maik Franz takes on a chair, chair wins!

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Inanimate object makes mockery of footballer Karlsruhe's Maik Franz was eager to show just how annoyed he was at being sent-off during his side's defeat to Schalke last night. Sadly, he chose the wrong piece of stadium furniture to pick on. The hard as nails chair took Franz's best blow with ease and very nearly knocked [. Click to continue reading...

Celebrate with your heroes: get them to pile on top of you

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Spurs fan in the thick of it Ever wanted to get up and close and personal with your favourite footballers? Worried that you will be immediately carted away by an over-zealous steward? The solution is simple: get yourself at the bottom of a pile-on like the Spurs fan pictured above. See exactly how he got himself [. Click to continue reading...

Football video: Pirate hat goal celebration

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Player gets yellow card, but spared the plank Chipstead's Daryl Coleman wasn't going to let his fifteen seconds of fame go to waste when he scored a beautiful free-kick during his side's 4-1 defeat to Torquay. He did the only thing he could under the circumstances: donned a pirate hat to celebrate his goal. Click to continue reading...

Arsenal are on par with their ladies team

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Cheeky Cesc's comments backfire Last night's thriller between Arsenal and Spurs created a lot of talking points, but one is that the Gunners are only as good as the Arsenal Ladies team. Before the match Cesc Fabregas has claimed that Tottenham could only manage a draw against the women's outfit. He said: "They would do really well. Click to continue reading...

October 29, 2008

Wigan’s Amr Zaki quietly contemplates defeat

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Must... leave... pitch... but... too...hard Wigan striker Amr Zaki took defeat against Aston Villa pretty hard on Sunday. He wandered around the pitch aimlessly as his team-mates returned to the dressing room to be prodded by Steve Bruce's chubby index finger. The Egyptian then lost the ability to walk and was halfway towards a William Gallas-style sit-in [. Click to continue reading...
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