Geriatrics

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October 8, 2008

Morrissey Breaks Up Will Chivas USA, Gets All Cockney

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I just read this article in some old UK rag --The Sun to be precise-- about how "Morrissey is "obsessed with Millwall and it's culture." He's even alleged to have been spotted swanning around Los Angeles in replica kit with "Mobster" written where a name should be.

That's cool and all but wasn't it just last year that he was wearing Chivas gear onstage and going to Chivas USA matches at the HDC? Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:58 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Celebrity Glory-Seekers, Chivas USA, Geriatrics, Millwall, West Ham

September 22, 2008

Video: 17 Minutes of Savarese

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When it comes to Venezuelan soccer sensations in NYC, Giovanni Savarese is Columbus, Cichero & Rojas are just the pilgrims. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 12:32 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Back in the Day, Geriatrics, Soccer, Videos

August 16, 2008

And the Red Bull's Mystery Striker is....

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A few days ago Metrofanatic mentioned that in addition to a Panamanian prospect and USL bad ass Macoumba Kandji, Juan Carlos Osorio was also looking at a mystery striker. Could the former Arsenal man with some of the worst taste in eyewear and 92 caps for France be headed to The Swamp? Perhaps. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 07:54 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Arsenal, Geriatrics, Gossip, Juan Carlos Osorio, Red Bull New York, caps, mystery, the french

August 12, 2008

Seattle MLS Club To Make "Player Announcement"

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Does anyone know what Kasey Keller is up to on Thursday? Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:46 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Gossip, Kasey Keller, Seattle

August 8, 2008

Video: When Reyna Ruled the World

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If you weren't in attendance for the Red Bulls-Barcelona match on Wednesday I've got a little something to show you. And if you were there but you spent half-time trying to get a beer, get to the bathroom and get the digits of one of those scandalous little Red Bull Girls, you might want to see this as well. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 05:11 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Attendance, Barcelona, Claudio Reyna, Geriatrics, New York Red Bulls, Red Bull New York, Videos, girls, red bull, sleep, testimony

July 23, 2008

Video: The World According to Kasey Keller

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Here's a semi-shocking stat: according to Kasey Keller 1/5th of all EPL teams will have a US keeper. Never thought about it but it's fairly rad. That and other revelations are, erm, revealed in this marathon interview with Soccernet's Shaka Hislop. And unlike his interview with Jozy Altidore, Hislop doesn't look in need of No Dose this time. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:34 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , ESPN, Geriatrics, Kasey Keller, Shaka Hislop, Soccernet, Videos

July 22, 2008

Chinaglia On The Lam in America

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The video below is a special dedication to former NY Cosmos star Giorgio Chinaglia, who is currently a fugitive from justice. I imagine that this song is just blasting on repeat right now as he chain smokes his way around America, although I suspect he is still in Baltimore, eating his (substantial) weight in crab cakes. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 06:20 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, PR disasters

July 15, 2008

Dunzo. Reyna to Retire

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I just received the following in my inbox from RBNY's communications dept.

***MEDIA ADVISORY***

SECAUCUS, NJ (July 15, 2008) – Red Bull New York Designated Player and captain Claudio Reyna will hold a news conference on Wednesday, July 16 at 2 PM in the first floor Board Room at St. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 04:14 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Claudio Reyna, Geriatrics, Major League Soccer, Red Bull New York, gmail, professional soccer, soccer fan

There Is Reason TOR Has a "Geriatrics" Tag

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There is also a reason that there is a "Gossip" tag. And stories like this one, placing 36 year old Turkish striker Hakan Şükür in the loving arms of Maurice "Trader Mo" Johnston and his Toronto FC side, are it. While this may or may not be true but I'm fairly certain that playing a man old enough to have children who are high school graduates at striker and on turf is not the answer. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:29 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Gossip, Mo Johnston, Toronto FC, Turkey, Wikipedia, striker, turf

July 1, 2008

Welsh Remember Giovanni Savarese

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Old school MLSer and all-time Metro great Giovanni Savarese has been named to the top 10 best foreigners to ever play for Swansea City. This is like being named one of the top 10 trustees in the history of your county lock-up; it's not really the best place to be and it could certainly be worse but at least you did the best you could with your time there and are well remembered for it. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:22 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics

June 12, 2008

Azurri Fans, I'm Sorry to Bring Up Old Sh*t.....

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>But I find this as entertaining as anything. And what the hell was with all the old guys on the pitch that day? It looked like an open casting for an Italian production of Cocoon. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 12:13 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Euro 2008, Geriatrics, The Dutch, pitch

June 9, 2008

The Devil's Voice, His Name is Tommy Smythe

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Please let it be noted that while I have love for Tommy Smythe, his voice is the worst thing ever for a hangover headache. Worse than the light of 1000 suns. I can't even have the match on in the background for fear that my throbbing brain may crack my skull. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:23 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , ESPN, Euro 2008, Geriatrics, brain, love, match

June 4, 2008

The Reyna Conundrum

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I love Claudio Reyna. I LOVE Claudio Reyna. I LOOOOOVE CLAUDIO REYNA!

But.....

It may be time for RBNY to bite the bullet and buy out the remainder of his guaranteed contract and hope to the high heavens that they can sway big-time CAM to make the move to The Swamp during the summer transfer window. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 01:15 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Claudio Reyna, Geriatrics, Red Bull New York

May 19, 2008

Schelotto's Tony Award Winning Toronto Performance

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I work at 1515 Broadway in New York. I walk past the the Phantom of the Opera, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, and The Producers twice a day and even I haven't seen a performance this dramatic since Madonna was in Evita. This was truly a tour de force...I can't wait until Blanco & he go head-to-head for on-pitch theatrics supremacy
Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 10:29 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Columbus Crew, Geriatrics

May 15, 2008

Shaka Hislop: Keeper, Writer, Activist

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Former FC Dallas/West Ham/Reading/Newcastle/Portsmouth keeper and all-around good guy Shake Hislop has been writing a weekly MLS column for the U.K.'s Guardian this season. It's an interesting perspective coming from someone who has played in the league and has loads of EPL and Trinidad & Tobago national team experience. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 01:13 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , FC Dallas, Geriatrics, West Ham

May 14, 2008

Mohamed Al Fayed is Ballin' Outta Control

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This is the hands down quote of the year. End of. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:21 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Ballin' Outta Control, Fulham, Geriatrics

May 7, 2008

Kasey Keller Testifies About Kaka in Time Magazine

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Kasey Keller has a varied resume as long as the Dynamo's disturbing winless streak. In addition to being a 4-time World Cup veteran and having played for ever club in Europe he is a former castle-dweller, one-time male model and indie rock icon.

Add the unlikely --and haughty-- title of "Time Magazine Contributor" to the list. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 02:00 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , AC Milan, Geriatrics, Kaka, Random Coolness

May 5, 2008

Video: 2 Aging, Bald Curmudgeons on Couch

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Can't you just see these two spending their golden years hurling sly, affectionate insults at one another while on yearly fishing trips? That is if Keller ever surrenders to that silly notion called "retirement".

Props to EPL Talk for the find. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:02 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Fulham, Geriatrics, Videos

May 1, 2008

Steve Jolley Moves to MLS HQ

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There is a running joke amongst NYC's downtown music community that "it's not a party until [former Smashing Pumpkins guitarist] James Iha shows up". Seriously, the guy is somehow at every bar in the LES and East Village every night of the week. It's as if he's found a way to defy the physical world and be everywhere at once. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 01:12 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Business, Geriatrics, MLS

April 24, 2008

Now You Too Can Be an NASL Champion!

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When youth fades, it moves to Florida. When glory fades it moves to eBay. And in some rare cases, that once shining youth and glory get a party house in Naples and move in together.

Our man MetroAG pointed out on Metrofanatic this morning that Former NY Cosmos skipper --and current Sunshine State senior citizen-- Eddie Firmani has put his 1978 and 1979 NASL Championship rings up for sale on eBay at the staggering price of $15k & $10k respectively. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 10:26 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Gear, Geriatrics, NASL

April 21, 2008

Former RBNY GM Gets Fruity New Gig

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A few weeks ago we got word that Red Bull New York Managing Director (read:GM) Marc De Grandpre was leaving his post with the Taurine Army. A few wondered aloud where he would end up and prayed it wasn't with their team. Good news: it's not with your team unless there is a second beverage-built club out there that I don't know about. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:03 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Red Bull New York

April 11, 2008

Meola On Meola

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Many people don't like USA Today. Some who deem the paper to be a shallow read call it "McPaper". Others purchase it only for the purpose of providing their butler with something to shine their shoes on; these people are called "sailing enthusiasts". So as they are not soccer fans...screw 'em. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 02:12 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Kansas City Wizards, MISL, Red Bull New York

April 3, 2008

Photo of the Day: The Clash's Mick Jones Reps The ESC

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Hey y'all. I'm dragging a little this morning but I have a smile on my face that is almost as big as the one I have in the photo above. That's me with Mick Jones from The Clash; his new band (with Tony James from Generation X) Carbon/Silicon played my local punk rock bowling alley last night on 2 days notice due to getting denied entry into Canada. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 10:45 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Music, Red Bull New York, Supporters

March 18, 2008

Still No Definitive Answers on Babayaro's Departure

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I know firsthand that when it comes to needing MLS-related content that you have to sometimes scrape the bottom of the peanut butter jar. But this incomplete thought of an article is really bad form on Goal.com's part. Why make your headline a question that you don't answer?

Mind you I don't know the answer but I did hear that it may (and I stress may) have been related to an Afroman-like affliction that many pro athletes suffer from. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:14 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, LA Galaxy, PR disasters

March 7, 2008

LA Not Talking Straight About Babayaro Exit

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From the LA Times' Graeme Jones:

Asked more than once why Babayaro had been shown the door, the Galaxy provided the classic non-answer. "After a period of evaluation, it was decided that it would be in the best interest of the club and the player to part ways," Alexi Lalas, the team's president and general manager, said in a statement. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 03:34 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, LA Galaxy, Your Ginger Majesty

March 4, 2008

Babayaro Dropped, Cursed, and Olde

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Get a good look at Celestine Babayaro in Galaxy colors because it's from the one and only game he'll ever play for them. Shockingly the former Newcastle and Chelsea man has been dropped from the Ruud Boyz already and I love it. Not because he's a bad player but because it's a nice reminder to certain people that this is MLS, not Shady Oaks League for the Aged. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 12:32 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Cleetus, Geriatrics, LA Galaxy

February 18, 2008

RSL Trying to Get "Golden"

4


36 years old striker. Diver. Adulterer. "Golden Generation" or not why is anyone in MLS (let alone a club in Utah) trying to sign João Pinto? Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 06:59 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Gossip, RSL

February 8, 2008

2 MLS Owners Make Forbes List of Billionaire Ballers

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Forbes, the Official Magazine of the Rich People You Work For™, has done a list of the Top 10 billionaire soccer owners. It's pretty fucking bunk-nana's that such a list exists and even wilder that 2 of the ten own MLS franchises. For a league on a budget this shit's got some seriously minted men behind it. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 12:50 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Ballin' Outta Control, Geriatrics, Seattle

2 MLS Owners Make Forbes List of Billionaire Ballers

4



Forbes, the Official Magazine of the Rich People You Work For™, has done a list of the Top 10 billionaire soccer owners. It's pretty fucking bunk-nana's that such a list exists and even wilder that 2 of the ten own MLS franchises. For a league on budget this shit's got some seriously minted men behind it. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 12:50 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Ballin' Outta Control, Geriatrics, Seattle

January 29, 2008

Vote Arena 2008

3


Here's a name that we haven't heard in while outside of career obituaries. Il Bruce is getting top billing amongst the list of names on the Builders Ballot for induction into the National Soccer Hall of Fame in 2008. The man served both his clubs and country well so it's good to see him get the props. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 02:15 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Bruce Arena, Geriatrics

January 25, 2008

Friday Flashback: Donadoni's MLS Years

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The video says it all so I'll be brief. Roberto Donadoni was it. Dare I say it but he was a Designated Player before such a term existed. A midfielder with endless creativity and better-than-average skills on set pieces he was exactly what Metro needed. Hell, for that matter he is exactly what Red Bull needs now. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 06:34 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Back in the Day, Geriatrics, Red Bull New York

December 31, 2007

Rumor of the Day: Figo to Some AEG Team or Other

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I worded the title ambiguously like that because this more-than-likely piece of crap article is equally ambiguous. Allegedly Figo has signed a 2-year deal worth $10.2 mil to play for an unnamed AEG-operated MLS side, which despite what the hopelessly uninformed writer will tell you would be either LA or Houston (AEG no longer owns Chicago, and Figo is not a forward). Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 01:31 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Gossip, Houston Dynamo, LA Galaxy

December 20, 2007

Schopp Closed: Red Bull's Austrian Player Retiring

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So my dude Pebble told this funny story about RBNY's Austrian midfielder Markus Schopp once...

An older couple was watching RBNY practice. The older gentleman knew all of the players, their strengths, their weaknesses, and where they fit best. The older woman knew soccer well enough but wasn't too aware of who the players were. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 01:56 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Red Bull New York

December 5, 2007

Sex Pistol is A Gunner

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If you know your pre-Bad Religion punk history, you know that Johnny Rotten is not a man to keep his opinions to himself. But did you know that's he's an Arsenal supporter? I didn't. And if you know your Sex Pistols history you know that they, like England, were once managed by a man named McClaren who was equally destructive and detrimental to his charges as Steve. Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 02:29 PM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Arsenal, Celebrity Glory-Seekers, Geriatrics, Music, Videos

November 14, 2007

Pensioners Have Little Fondness for Man U.

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"Grandma, tell us how you really feel about Giggsy." Click to continue reading...
The Offside Rules @ 11:42 AM EDT | Blog Profile | Post Detail
Tags: , Geriatrics, Man U, Random Coolness
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