In case you where wondering what's going on with The League Formerly Known as MISL, there will be an announcement on September 16th that will reveal the details on indoor soccer's latest incarnation. But all you really need to know is that the revamped league will be called....wait for it. Click to continue reading...

David Beckham: The Musical! I know, you're as stoked as I am. If I were casting it I'd have Federline in the lead role for the American audience; I think he could really carry it off.



Not sure about who would play Victoria, Sir Alex or some of the other larger roles but I'm sure we could get Pete Vegenas to play himself. Click to continue reading...

I'm told that the lady at the center of this scrum is a former Houston Rockets cheerleader. Or was it a dancer? I can't remember but I do know that she looks positively tits-over-tail about her place in life at the moment.

Meanwhile, Stuart Holden looks pleasingly pickled, Jozy Altidore looks troubled and recent Rangers acquisition Maurice Edu is licking his lips as if she were slathered in hot wing sauce. Click to continue reading...

Obviously, US men's national team coach Bob Bradley is not a frequent reader of this publication. If said 'gaffer' did was would well know that calling in Kenny Cooper to his squad for the upcoming World Cup Qualifiers was of paramount importance and that his persistent insistence on leaving the streaking striker out of the selection was tantamount to treason. Click to continue reading...

Courtesy of my dude Connor, it's the video you've all been waiting for; Benny Feilhaber sings the hits of Jordin Sparks. You sir are no American Idol, but hey maybe that's a good thing because those kids all have nose-divish career trajectories. Where are Big Ruben, Clay Aiken, and that one kid with the Sideshow Bob haircut now? Click to continue reading...

Bruce Willis, Wesley Snipes and Samuel L. Jackson have nothing on the New England Revolution. Anyone can take down terrorists and snakes at 33,000 feet...but a naked lunatic trying to open the emergency door is 10x scarier because he's obvioulsy just plain ass crazy.

They haven't said which players it was yet but my money is on Reis being involved in the takedown. Click to continue reading...

I read something the other day about some club in Uzbekistan claiming that they were on the verge of signing Samuel Eto'o and just dismissed it as the usual, desperate silly-season attempt to grab headlines by a club the size of Vern Troyer's nuts.

But something happened on the way the fantasyland. Click to continue reading...

So a dozen scally Man City fans didn't have the cash to fly to the microscopic archipelago that is the Faroe Islands to see their blues play in this week's UEFA Cup qualifier. So they did what any devoted supporter with cell phone and sea legs would do: the started making calls about hiring a boat. Click to continue reading...

Watch this clip of The Devil as he heaps a few back-handed compliments on our great game even as he insincerely tries to be nice. What a an ignorant half-wit. He's exactly like the guy that says "Halle Berry is hot for a black chick." Click to continue reading...

Shocking right? This cat used to be young and sexy and in a few short months he's become fat & lumpy. I know I shouldn't go around promoting the one prejudice that (perhaps wrongly) seems to be socially acceptable these days, but damn. Did Krispy Kreme open up a Catalan branch? I haven't seen someone fit get so chunky so quick since. Click to continue reading...

Who the hell needs bodyguards when you've got Chris Klein out there doing his best, most-intimidating Jurassic Park-style velociraptor impersonations? If any of you other kids are thinking about hugging David Beckham on the fly, remember this image. You could be next.

And as my comrades in blog over at The Original Winger point out, you could also be on TMZ --possibly the only folks on the planet to ever refer to Mr. Click to continue reading...

You see this sh*t yet? Bananas. I guess Red Bull doesn't have a monopoly on making up crazy-assed games out of thin air. It goes without saying that the Jerry's are absolutely nuts but for once the results are kinda cool.

Watching this I noticed that all of the cars are Volkswagons and that they sponsored this demolition derby-come-soccer game. Click to continue reading...

If you were watching last night's U.S. game at home you may not know that there was a half-time pitch invasion by some Argentine fan. I don't think it's the best thing to do, but I would be a liar if I said I didn't find it more entertaining than I like to let on. It's sort of like going to Hooters but without the 'hooters'. Click to continue reading...

Please ignore Lou Dobbs and the political blah blah blah coming out of his mouth and keep your eyes on the ticker at the bottom of the clip. My eyes bugged out when I saw that Jozy's move was deemed CNN-worthy. But then I was brought back down to MLS-ignorant earth when I noticed that the league "had agreed to a record $10 transfer fee". Click to continue reading...

I have no criminal background or record to speak of aside from a written warning I received from a Denton, TX cop when I got caught drinking my 1st beer the day before my 21st birthday (I was born a suspect). Therefore it is probably not my place to give FC Dallas defender and Beckham-hater Adrian Serioux advice on how to be a better thug. Click to continue reading...

An oldie but a goody that's worth watching until the end. Even Rev. Jerimiah Wright would say "damn, this fool is talking crazy". Click to continue reading...

Last week ex-Libertine, current Babyshamble and perpetual drugs vacuum Pete Doherty took part in a celebrity soccer match at The Den, home of Millwall FC. Now being both a) a suicidal idiot and b) a die-hard QPR fan he decided to make his way into the club chairman's office and relive himself into one of the club's cups from the trophy case (he was caught be security). Click to continue reading...

Dear sweet 8lb 6oz baby Jesus! There is an MLS player not named David Beckham on TMZ. Mind you all they ask LA Galaxy defender Abel 'manbeast' Xavier about is David but still, it's kind of crazygonuts to see MLS get some play on both Perez Hilton and TMZ in the span on 24 hours (Goldenballs dust up with Adrian Serioux was prominently featured on PH yesterday). Click to continue reading...

If you can figure out this puzzle, please phone Kevin Payne about an exciting employment oppurtunity that may be available to you. Click to continue reading...

What? You were expecting Carlos Ruiz? Please. At least this fish does what he's told and can actually dribble his way to goal instead of just loitering in the box waiting for a pass. Click to continue reading...

Parity jumped up and bit DC United in buttocks yesterday, as they fell 2-0 to the Rapids at DSG Park. Thinking about the fact that DC United is at the bottom of the East and Colorado are at the top of the West now has left me feeling like I woke up in the future or something ("you mean to tell me there's lady doctors now? Click to continue reading...

Sign (noun)
Pronunciation: ˈsīn
Meaning (5b): a posted command, warning, or direction

Sign (verb)
Pronunciation: ˈsīn
Meaning (4): to engage or hire by securing the signature of on a contract of employment

As the clip above illustrates so wonderfully, a single word can have to drastically different meanings. Click to continue reading...

If you watched last night match between New York and Toronto you may have noticed an on stoppage of play at one point. It was due to this non-streaking streaker. While he didn't have the brass to get naked, he was courteous enough to assume the preffered position for the oncoming police. Such a nice Canadian boy. Click to continue reading...

Not to get all Project Runway on y'all but this right here is a hot mess of trannie fierceness. You will be reading about this all day. Normally I'd try to stay away from something that everyone will be posting about but this is just too good to ignore. I'm sure that the underserved trannie soccer moms and non-trannie bloggers of the world will really sympathize with this story. Click to continue reading...

Everyone knows that career Jesus Juice enthusiast and OCG Nice supporter Micheal Jackson is dead broke. What everyone doesn't know is that he has resorted to selling his clothes to US U-20's coach and Chivas USA sporting director Thomas Rongen for nose-job money. You heard it here first. Click to continue reading...