1. Every Cloud...

" I feel I have some things I want to accomplish at West Ham, and I was happy that the club gave me the opportunity to do that."

Not my words, the words of Jonathan Spector having recently signed a 3-year extension to his contract. Click to continue reading...

1. And Now For Something Completely Different

This weeks H List will be presented in Limerick form. This is largely because the events of this match were so incredibly tedious, and I do not wish my descendants to look back upon my writings on Ye Olde Worlde Wide Webbe and think that I wasted my time chronicling such inanities. Click to continue reading...

1. Boo!

Adopting more aggressive guerrilla tactics, I have included people on the distribution list this week who have never expressed the slightest interest in this blog or were totally unaware of its existence.

Welcome one and all, and if you wish this weekly harassment to cease, I'll see you in court. Click to continue reading...

1. Before We Begin

So let me get this right. Sheffield United can get compensation from us because their players are shit, but I can't sue anyone over this?

2. The Horrible Truth

On one level, I expect nothing less than this. Click to continue reading...

1. Hammer In High Court Victory Shocker

After a week's absence, I return fresh from my High Court libel triumph, vindicated. It is now perfectly legal for us all to refer to Lucas Neill as a "tubby oaf", but only in print. You couldn't say it to his face, but you could text him. Click to continue reading...

1. Say It Again Sam

"They say the next big thing is here, that the revolution's near. But to me it seems quite clear that it's all just a little bit of history repeating" - Shirley Bassey and the Propellerheads from "History Repeating"

"It was a testing match for us and I'm pleased with the way we played. Click to continue reading...

1. Back To The Future

So confident am I in the insipid nature of our performance later tonight that I have begun writing this match report during my lunch hour, on the day of the match in question.

We will be pretty, but totally ineffective, and if we concede early there is a reasonable chance of a landslide. Click to continue reading...

1. In Sickness And In Health

At the time of this fixture last season, a good friend of mine displayed her outrageously ill-conceived social planning skills by getting married. I was therefore unable to watch the whole game, but did manage to catch the first 30 minutes in the hotel bar, during which time I thought it possible to gauge the final outcome. Click to continue reading...

1. We Were Believers Once, And Young

We're not so different, Martin Luther King and I. We both had a dream , you see. His involved buses I think, whilst mine revolved around a world where West Ham could beat Arsenal.

In my 29 years on this plane, we have played Arsenal more times than I care to remember and beaten them so rarely that it is possible to memorise the victories in a Henry VIII style rhyme ("Divorced, Beheaded, Died, Leroy, Bobby, Offside! Click to continue reading...

1. History

Straight down to business and last season's corresponding fixture saw us lose 1-0 courtesy of a Robin Van Persie header. It was a game in which Arsenal were largely in control without ever dominating, thanks to some decent football from ourselves.

From our perspective, Freddie Ljungberg fully justified his £85,000 weekly wage and £6million pay-off by having a goal wrongly disallowed for offside and Dean Ashton should have done better with a late header. Click to continue reading...

1. I'm Confused

We're really becoming quite a contradiction in terms, and it's now somewhat confusing to be a West Ham fan these days. Let's consider : we are 4th in the League in goals scored and yet don't look like we will ever score again : only Man City have scored more times at home than we have but our Goal Difference is 0 : we are owned by a billionaire who apparently doesn't have any money : we're 8th and tottenham have 2 points yet everyone says that we're both in crisis. Click to continue reading...

A New Dawn

Welcome to this week's H List Preview. As you've hopefully noticed, a few changes have been made to the layout.

My superior and I decided to give it a lick of paint and add a couple of new features as it was beginning to look as tired as Lucas Neill after an informal stroll up a gentle slope. Click to continue reading...

1. A Many Splintered Thing

So, I ended up missing this game, possibly because Kevin Davies elbowed me in the head, or possibly because I had the flu. In my twenty or so years suffering at the hands of West Ham, I have only been sick for two games. This was the second, and the first was the 2006 FA Cup Final. Click to continue reading...

1. You Bet Your Ass I Wish To Proceed

The differences between the H List styles of HeadHammer Shark and myself were recently brought to my attention. An obese friend of mine said that while this blog's creator has a thoughtful approach, mine is more blood and thunder. Click to continue reading...

This weeks column will be a little different. No, it won't be well written or funny, but it will have a pre match comment, a first half and then a distinct second half. This is really in order to let me write a report on the Fulham game whilst launching into some Tevezian areas of debate.

Pre Match Warm Up

1. Click to continue reading...