It's true.   I'm going to work for dcunited.com.  More news to come . . .

To balance out the new triple-lettered right-sided attack of Boyzzz Khumalo, D.C. United has recently acquired left-sided dirty south MC Bubba Sparxxx. Sparxxx is on loan from Purple Ribbon Records after they failed to make the USL-3 playoffs, and is credited with one gold record and four assists.

D.C. United used a little know league rule to gain a win (and 3 points) on the road in New England last night.

According to Rule 30.1.a.100, a team make earn a victory even when outscored in the game if a national news outlet declares you the winner.

Sacha Kljestan (and his magnificent hair) showing mastery of Lesson 2.

There are only five lessons at the Marcelo Balboa Camp for Hair and Soccer:

1. Rinse, Lather, Repeat and always use conditioner before big games.
2. If you're in the wall, JUMP fool!

MLS's new web sponsor, cashforgoldusa.com, is part of a dual marketing effort aimed at both the league's underpaid young players and fans.

League officials claim the deal is the result of months of aggressive sales efforts and bolsters the league's brand.  "We worked really hard to line this deal up," explained Jim Campbell VP for Digital Media Sales.

D.C. United officials announced today that PEPCO, a DC-based utility company, would sponsor all of United's evening games as part of a new marketing deal with the team. In exchange for advertising rights to the back of United's jersey, PEPCO will blackout all night games at RFK.

"Fans have been blacking out RFK for years by wearing all black during home playoff games, and now PEPCO adds an additional element to that great tradition," team officials announced today under the glow of flashlights and candles.

The Far Post was bored with nothing to do on a wonderful summer night, so we rolled out Shelbyville Germantown, MD for United's Third Round US Open Cup Noodles match.

Check out the (booger) Flickr picture pages:

There are many reasons to love the European Champions, but my favorite is the lack of a third-place playoff. As you know we align ourselves with Glengarry Glen Ross on third-place . . . although we aren't sure the EUROs give a Caddy for first place. (What is the European equivalent to the big-ass, gas-guzzling, ostentatious Cadillac El Dorado?

D.C. United beat a weak San Jose Earthquakes side today in front of a spirited, but sunburn crowd at RFK. The black-and-red were fortunate the whole game – especially when scoring. Two of United's three goals were from deflections. Columbia defender and samba dancer Gonzalo Martinez banged home a superb goal for the game's most genuine moment.

Once again Italy does what it always does in big games – plays to a tie. Jerks. Only this time they didn't win the shootout. Huzzah! Viva Spain!

Spaghetti Western Shootout

Dang. Iker Casillas is good. He stopped two bullets, like he was RoboCop or something. Spain – Russia is gonna be great .

Russia defeated the Netherlands in Basle, Switzerland after scoring two goals in final 15 minutes of overtime. Andrei Arshavin led Russia with superb playmaking, passing, and the final goal. In the end, Russia earned the score they deserved. They flat out beat the Netherlands.

A few days ago we ask who was The Truth and didn't even have his name on the list!

Amazing.

Football star and prophesier Cristiano Ronaldo announced his future moves, today. During the 30-minute interview session, the famous number seven was candid and controversial about his future.

"I will perform many stepovers in the next few days – mostly over wine bottles and sleeping supermodels.

• Cristiano Ronal-OH-NO!-do
• Ronaldon't play defense
• Ger-many Goals for Portugal to overcome!
• Pepe le peu
• Not even Klose! Portugal lose!
• 'Bastian "In Glory" Schweinsteiger
• They're Baaalllllllack!
• Nuno Gohomes

More later tonight .

Watching Russia play is a blast. Rush, rush, rush! All they do is attack and shoot at will. I love that!

Talking Heads: Rece Davis is rock solid as the lead studio host. I think soccer and college football have many similarities; they both have rapid fans, every locality plays it so there are lots of good teams and lots of bad teams, and finally both sports overstate the importance of coaches.