Little Help!

I know, I know. Anybody of a certain age . . . Hi there, Mr./Mrs./Ms. srange slices at halftime, Mom's in the minivan, Dad's home watching the wrong sort of football, Jams-wearing, Vans-sporting (when not in flip-flops), bleach-streaked skater-haired (God, I hope you're not going to admit to the mullet, are you?