Red Bull Attack Sparks Revolution Showdown

Juan Pablo Angel, Jozy Altidore, Dane Richards and Francis Grandpa Doe all started on Saturday night and produced the desired result: The Red Bull outscored the Kansas City Wizards 2-1. With the victory, The Red Bull put a hex on the Wizards postseason chances, and set the stage for a tantalizing Major League Soccer first-round playoff matchup with the New England Revolution.

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MLS Playoffs: Shoddy, Unprofessional Breakdown

While shamefully smearing a 12-year-old accident victim, contemplating the latest attempt by The Man to destroy everything cool in the world, we thought, "Who's gonna grab the two remaining Major League Soccer Postseason Tourney slots?" So without creepy Tattoo, here's the Red Bull Rising Race for the MLS Cup Report, Part Trois. All information below is based on official data from the MLSnet.